Now, normally guys like this are slimy, hairy fellows with confederate flag tattoos and but a few teeth still intact, and they tell abduction stories about cornfields and probes without a hint of irony in their tales.

This guy though, Stanton Friedman, he seems like a respectable guy who knows a thing or two, if at the very least he knows what it would take to get aliens here, i.e. what a very advanced propulsion system capable of efficient interstellar transport might look like.  Oh, and he’s not actually claiming an abduction story; he’s claiming to have some scientific certainty of UFOs based on various evidences provided by 5000-plus physical trace cases.

“In these people see a craft land and then take off leaving behind various markings on the soil such as burn circles, landing gear marks, small footprints, dried out rings of soil, etc,” says Friedman.

So, okay.  Friedman has written a book called Science Was Wrong, and this book has “startling truths about cures, theories and inventions “they” declared impossible.”  I betcha that book would be interesting.  Especially if it was written the way he speaks – he’s a funny guy.

Take, for example, in his article THE UFO “WHY?” QUESTIONS, page 2, where he lists various reasons aliens might have come to earth.  As a writer and a sci-fi lover, I found these reasons very entertaining and great story starters:

A. Graduate students doing their thesis work on the development of a primitive society, on a planet where, amazingly, there is no planetary government, and where there are many different languages; on various strange biological specimens, or on genetic variations of intelligent beings.

B. Broadcasters with weekly shows such as “Idiocy in the Boondocks.”

E. Operators of refueling and rest and relaxation centers on the back side of the moon or in the depths of the ocean or in the asteroid belt.

G. Jailers.  This may be a penal colony on which aliens dropped off their bad boys and girls and that is why we are so nasty to each other.  Georgia and Australia were first settled by convicts.  Letting the convicts go bother other civilizations who, unlike us, have learned to live peacefully, may be a no-no in the galactic rule book.

H. Vacationers.  This may be a recreation center.  Notice how many people visit Hawaii and Las Vegas and Orlando.  If the travel wasn’t easy, how many would venture forth to see Mickey Mouse or gaming tables or surfing beaches?

I. Specimen gatherers for ET zoos and aquariums.

L. Honeymooners.  Perhaps this is the honeymoon capital for this corner of the neighborhood.  Special rates for a week on Earth… side trips to the moon and Mars…

N. Sports enthusiasts.  There may be special excursions to observe various such events.  Don’t forget that a World Championship Chess match was held in Iceland.

O. Scouts seeking the best site for a new amusement park in the solar system.

Heh.  Come on, chuckle.  Those were funny.  And they were meant to be.  I think I’d enjoy picking Friedman’s brain for a while (hmm…I wonder if aliens would like to do that too…).  Talking implausibilities is fun.  And good for ya.  It stretches your brain, increases your ability to interact with people and either solidifies what you believe about the world or opens new avenues to explore.  Nothing wrong with that.  And nothing to be a’feared.

Peace out, humanoids. 

I rummaged through my bookshelves to find some good first lines. Here’s what I came up with.

“‘I’ve watched through his eyes, I’ve listened through his ears, and I tell you he’s the one.’” – Ender’s Game, Orson Scott Card. One of the greatest books ever. This first line strikes the reader with several questions: who is this person seeing through somebody else’s eyes? Who’s “the one”? What is the implied task “the one” must accomplish? And of course we find out that “the one” is not exactly what we would expect.

“Alexander Democedes Amandinus stood at the Door of Death waiting for the chance to learn more about life.” – An Echo in the Darkness, Francine Rivers. The conundrum is obvious – how will dying teach us about life?

“As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic vermin.” – The Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka. The dude wakes up as a bug!

“Every summer Lin Kong returned to Goose Village to divorce his wife, Shuyu.” – Waiting, Ha Jin

“The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel.” – Neuromancer, William Gibson. The best way I’ve ever heard anyone say “gray.”

“None of them knew the color of the sky.” – The Open Boat, Stephen Crane. In this sky, the color is blank. But why? Are “them” underground? Are they blind?

“It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.” – 1984, George Orwell. It’s quirky, it throws you off a little. The feeling is cold – both the temperature and the clocks. Clocks convey a sense of coldness, I think, not of warmth. Add to that the “striking thirteen.” It just doesn’t seem right, and that’s exactly the point.

For instance.

When I arrived in Seattle the temperature was in the low 60s. The sky hung low and gray, completely shrouding Mt. Rainier from view pretty much anywhere you went around the area – even, well, up the roads in Mt. Rainier Park. For four full days, the temperature stayed in the 50s during the day and the 40s at night.

Mind you this was mid-August.

Yet the locals I met made nary a comment about the dreary weather. They bustled about their business, walking dogs, fishing in the Puget Sound and riding lots and lots of motorcycles on wet pavement.

On day five of my trip the sun proved that it does actually show its face in Seattle once in a while. The skies cleared, Mt. Rainier made an hours-long appearance and Wal-mart completely sold out of floor fans. The weathercasters on the news spoke of scorching days and broken temperature records. People came out of their homes in tank tops, blaming George Bush for global warming (okay I only heard one person do this) and generally acting like they might not make it out alive.

It was a whopping 83 degrees outside and one man, quite stricken with climate-centrism, actually asked me, “So does it ever get this hot in Alabama?”

Sigh.

“Never,” I said.

Everywhere I have ever lived has been rife with climate-centrism. In Daphne, Alabama, where I spent several years as a kid, 60-degree weather didn’t mean “time to wash the car” like it did in Syracuse, New York, where I also lived as a kid. In Daphne, at 60 degrees, people had fires roaring in their fireplaces (because after all, it was Christmas…) and their “made for the tundra” socks on. Phoenix, Arizona, was much the same, though probably more dramatic – 70 degrees meant knitted hats and fur-lined boots on all the kiddos. But when I lived in Montana, 70 degrees would prompt the question, “do you think it’s too hot to swim in the river?”

I’ve often asked myself, is our tolerance for certain temperatures biological, or is it perception?

If it were biological, I think I’d certainly like hot, but I don’t. I spent 10 years living in Louisiana and Alabama growing up, then another couple of years in Phoenix in my late teens and early 20s. I’m back in Alabama now and dreaming of fall. All these years I’ve loathed the heat with the intensity of a thousand very hot suns. I exist in t-shirts and shorts 24/7, unless I’m forced to put actual pants on, and then I suffer, because people here like to feel like they’re in a sauna everywhere they go.

You just can’t win indoors. While I’m sitting under the air vent motioning the cool air to fall on me, there are people in the room complaining of being cold. How many times have I heard, “it’s always cold in here”…and then, ahem, wanted to slap someone? It’s especially bad during winter. People here feel they must crank the heat up to 80 when it’s mildly cold outside. Sit inside for five minutes and you’ve got bloodshot eyes.

Risking hypothermia, I’m content to leave the thermostat at 60 degrees. I’m content to do that because I prefer a gas bill under $300. And I also am not afraid to put a jacket on.

This is apparently a foreign concept for many folks. The same people who complain of cold will do so with their jackets, removed promptly after entering the room, hanging on the backs of their chairs.

Saying “They make these things called blankets” apparently has no effect on such folks.

Truth be told, I’d rather be cold. Cold is easier remedied than hot. You can put another layer of clothing on when you’re cold, but when you’re hot, well, there’s only so far you can go.

And sorry, I’m not usually willing to go that far.

Alas. Come, October, come.

And in case you’re wondering, yes I’m using Wordpress! After years of writing and maintaining my own code, I decided I want the path of least resistance these days. So I picked out a pretty little free template and in about 10 minutes, I was up and running. I chose this template because I love the image feature at the top – perfect place to put lovely photos of mountains and alpine trees and clear babbling rivers dotted with multi-hued river rock. Nature is the perfect pick-me-up, and since I can’t get nature every day the way I want to, I may as well have good photography of nature around to keep me, you know, calm and centered and what not.

So there ya have it. Take a good whiff of the newness and stay tuned for more!